I‘ve perpetually struggled with choosing between my heart and my head. While my emotions can be intense, overwhelming, and erratic at times, my logical, analytical, commonsensical brain is a voice of equal strength. So I’m constantly caught in the middle of an intense battle. 

More and more, I’ve listened to the passion inside. I should probably explain — I am an artist. I don’t usually say this to people because it sounds paltry and flat compared to the inspiration, passion, and endless fountain of intense emotions that boil inside me that I feel the need to express and to release. Maybe it’s more apt to say “creativity connoisseur”.

So, I have what I think to be more intense emotions than most. And I recently acknowledged that I’ve been squelching my emotions and passion for so long — I’ve been suffocating creatively — as I’ve spent my time delving headlong into a long-term relationship, in which I’ve lost or forgotten myself.

Despite the fiery excitement, my confidence falters occasionally, usually during quiet moments after the sun has set and the day is slowly coming to a close. I don’t always feel sad, but I frequently feel nostalgic, sentimental, solemn, and I wish for the comfort of a person who knows me, who can wrap his arms around me in complete silence that says more than words.

At these moments, I question. I question everything. Am I on the right path? Am I making the right choices? Am I being truthful to others? To myself? Am I in denial? Will I wake up one morning and lose it? I’ve definitely come across moments so overwhelming when I feel the weight of the whirlwind that has been my life over the last year and I cannot keep it together no matter how hard I try. 

And so, in the essence of embracing my wild emotions, my fiery passion, I think I’ve resolved to leave a few things unresolved.  I have let go of the need to know where I’m going, why I’ve been where I’ve traveled and instead focus on where I am standing, to cultivate my art, hope and joy…♥