In a way that was ferocious, overwhelming, obsessive and slightly insane. There was not a single reason and a million to love him and certainly no reason to mourn his absence, and yet she was acutely aware of the silence as the sun rose and set four times in a day.

He was a culmination of everything she loved, hated, wanted and wanted to avoid. He was a no one who became someone who became everyone and everything–the life and the death in her days–an ever-present dull ache that no drug, drink or prayer could diminish.

The hurt he caused her ignited outbursts of texts and tears that left her soaked with exhaustion.

And so, in part to spite him, she became fiercely independent, storming through one experience to the next. She succeeded in everything except letting him go and now she was determined to beat her heart until (all of) it stopped. She took her place in line behind the prayers and finally had her moment. In a calculated move, she bartered with the universe, offering up her heart and hope as a sacrifice in exchange for the world at large.

She could not have him, but when she was done living her life, he would be all he had left… ♥