I’ll tell you what my first mistake was. It was thinking it could be different. That the iron surrounding my organs was leaking proof and unable to rust. The creaky pumping of my veins could be sped up by reasons other than my own. It was talking about books on a playground minutes before creating a new home. The screws must’ve frozen in the holes, slipped out from shrinking and let my muscles free. It was forgetting to wear my watch because I had rendered time irrelevant. The days had become lost in sun and wind and an armored heart became no way to live.

My mistake was resting my head on his shoulder while we softly spoke about music. It was letting the atmospheric and airy sounds flood inside us. I realized how futile it was to try to hold the ocean in my hands. Waves erode through action and patience as the steel inside me dissolved away. A place outside of everything, where the world was what I wanted it to be. Paused under the darkness of other stars, crossed lovers counting seconds but trying to hide between them. Space is a vacuum, there is no sound. How can we understand a star exploding, its gas combusting, trying to get as far apart as it can. It was letting my star supernova walking away from the door. ❣️