Your confusion is not pathology, it is path. It has something to show you that clarity could never reveal. The nature of chaos is wisdom, but you must provide safe passage for the mystery to unfold. Your feeling of heartbreak is not neurotic, it is intelligent. It has something to show you that the unbroken could never reveal. If you will provide holding for the broken pieces to reassemble, they will reveal an unmet doorway. Your loneliness, tenderness, and vulnerability are not mistakes. They are not errors or obstacles which must be remedied by way of spiritual process. They are … Continue reading To the shaky moments

There are times when the ground has fallen away, and there are no longer any reference points from which to make sense of what is happening. The rug has been pulled from under the life you thought was here, and were counting on to provide depth, solidity, and meaning. The narratives are conflicting, the feelings are contradictory, and the path forward is hazy. It’s as if you can’t access what was so clear from even a few days ago. All of the work you’ve done – the surrendering, the healing, the insights, the discoveries, the realizations… for some reason, it’s … Continue reading Note to Self …

I am the fourteen-year-old-girl who will never know how to extract a simple joy from life such as savoring the taste of goat cheese and honey on a plain cracker because I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I starve myself to fit a mold I wasn’t made from while wearing clothes that turn-on pedophiles and cutting the skin that I will never feel comfortable in. I am the seventeen-year-old-boy who dresses all in black and draws skulls on everything and listens to Pantera. (Not really listen but more like play it extremely loud so it’s … Continue reading Who I am…

I know it can be scary. I know your knees are shaking. The uncertainty of what lies ahead makes you want to turn around. But darling, if you’re looking for certainties and guarantees, you won’t find them here. Life is enjoyed and maximized by those who are willing to head into the unknown, trusting that the universe will guide and provide. If you’re looking for safety and comfort, the womb is your best bet. Because life after birth is far from comfortable. It is beautiful and ugly, joyful and heartbreaking, organized and chaotic, comedy and tragedy. It is all of … Continue reading Life…

I don’t want to write about love. It hurts. I don’t want to tell you stories of when love existed in my life. Too many nights have passed and I’ve accustomed myself to sleeping in the middle. I don’t want to write about the beautiful beginnings. How nothing else seems to matter and how quickly passion can override sanity. How love can fill you with substance that was never imaginable. No. I don’t. I don’t want to. Because love for me was once as beautiful as the ocean, sunsets and night skies. I loved with all of my being. Not … Continue reading I don’t want to…