It comes at quiet moments; the longing feeling that exists deep down in the most secret parts of your soul.  You may not admit it to others– you may even have a hard time admitting it to yourself–but the truth is, you ache to be more. You look at your life and there are still goals you want to achieve, insecurities you want to beat, decisions you want to make, love you want to find and feel, passions you hope will one day be ignited and paths that you pray will become clear.  You want to know what it feels … Continue reading Quiet moments…

I am realizing people hurt in different ways. No pain looks the same. They don’t laugh at the same jokes. They stop tending to the garden. Leave all the lights off. Pick at their fingernails. I try not to focus on what their hurt looks like so much anymore, but what still remains the same; their perfume, their favorite colors and hiding places, and what it means to feel better. Getting out of bed. A good, warm lunch at the diner. Curling their hair or doing the dishes. Regardless of what sadness looks like, wearing their body like old clothes, … Continue reading People hurt in different ways …

I could tell you how I really feel. I could share all of my thoughts and feelings with you, but I’m afraid you’ll just place them in a strainer like spaghetti noodles, draining out every last word, except the ones that’ll boost your ego. My words are a part of me; I am my thoughts and my feelings. I’m not a teddy bear that you can pick up when you’re lonely. I’m not a hotel where you can stay until you’re satisfied. Nor am I a trick-or-treater eager for a handful of your sugarcoated lies. No, I am an independent … Continue reading My messy mind …

My mother always said never to sleep with an angry mind. She would quote night after night, never to allow your head to touch pillows of duck-feather with words of vehemence and poison still resting on your tongue. Sleeping with an angry mind would open doors to many roots — dead roots — where the ash burned away from the scalp and rotting promises could be left to populate in broken ditches in your thoughts. Words were omnipotent — She would chant — they were the most powerful thing in the world if used correctly. And Truth more often than … Continue reading Never sleep with an angry mind…

Somewhere in time you existed free of the imprints of others. You were likely a child, or perhaps dreaming. In those fleeting moments you were thinking for yourself. You knew that having what you wanted felt good and made your life better. There were no issues of worthiness, deserving, or doubt. There was just peace and contentment. Babies are born knowing to seek comfort, love, connection, and ease. They do not question whether they deserve it, they know they do. How often have you rationalized that you can’t or shouldn’t have, or do things that bring you back to that … Continue reading Tonight, I return to you…