The way I feel ordinary, a simple human being… My own very limited self kind of crushes me in a way. I’d know exactly, and I sort of feel haunted by unfolding while at the same time wishing for nothing more. And I get this feeling, and I understand all of it; it stands painfully clear and whole toward me. It simply makes me feel small sometimes, and words are lacking, to be honest.

Simultaneously, that precise emotion is so utterly complete in itself that it floods me with awe, and I kind of get so lost in its essence and… beauty, human beings, beauty—deep down, it’s just beauty curiously yet magnificently blended with terror.

In these moments, I am acutely aware of my place in the vast tapestry of existence. The mundane details of life, the seemingly insignificant actions and thoughts, they all contribute to a larger, incomprehensible picture. There’s an indescribable beauty in the ordinary, in the simple act of being. It’s this very ordinariness that grounds me, even as it humbles me.

The terror comes from recognizing the vastness beyond my limited self, the countless unknowns that loom just out of reach. And yet, within this vastness, there is also a profound connection, a shared experience with all of humanity. It’s in these moments of clarity and confusion that I find the most profound beauty—a beauty that is as terrifying as it is magnificent. This paradox, this dance of contradictions, is what makes the journey of self-discovery so extraordinary. 🙏🏾❤️

©️ Beatriz Esmer