Listen, life, to this echo of despair, to my plea to not-be, to this seething ache that ravages my being. Guide me toward something, anything, to unshackle me from this gnawing anguish. Untangle my ties with you, Life. Transform me into something not-me; grant me the unexpected blessing of oblivion, for I feel the acute convulsions of existence.

Stop my thoughts, let them drift far from desperation. Have mercy, embrace me in your darkness so I cannot see the sadness I have become. Obliterate me, Life, but do not leave me diluted in this half of myself. Grant me the ignorance of stones, the innocence of animals, the distance of stars, or the detachment of angels. Allow me to be but the sorrow of a stream parting from narrow passes to become the ocean.

Hide from me the mystery of your living, for my peace lies beyond your walls. Silence my soul with a flood, wiping away my desires and hopes. Let me exist, Life, submerged in nothing, for that is my place. My silences weep, and tomorrows shatter like fragments. Let the sun faint into my shadows; my heart beats only because it has no escape. And in this remaining part of me, where I nourish love for lost causes, the more I fight, the more I bleed.

Blessed are those who no longer (re)cognize love. I, I feel so deeply. I am the poetry of a flower that has already died…

Life, let me be. 😔

©️ Beatriz Esmer