I keep pretending to know, as if certainty were a shield I could carry through the world. But beneath the surface, I do not really know anything. Not in the way I once believed knowing should feel—solid, sharp-edged, unshakable.

There is, however, a knowing within. A quiet pulse beneath the noise. It flickers like a candle in the wind—present, but elusive. Each time I try to name it, to wrap it in the language of conditions and expectations, it slips away. The more I assign meaning, the more I demand clarity, the further it drifts.

So perhaps, just for a while, I will stop chasing it. I will relax into not knowing. I will empty my cup—this vessel so often filled with assumptions, fears, and the need to be right—and allow it to be re-filled. Not by effort, but by presence. Not by the “I” that insists on control, but by the silence that follows surrender.

I am a lifelong learner. Not because I seek mastery, but because I am learning to be mastered by wonder. To be shaped by the questions, not the answers. To sit in the mystery and let it soften me.

And maybe, in that stillness, I will come to know something deeper than knowledge. Something like truth. Something like peace. 🙏🏾❤️

©️ Beatriz Esmer