As a black woman, I have had many conversations with white women who seek to empathize with my experiences of racism by drawing parallels to their own struggles with beauty standards. One of the most common statements I hear is, “I feel ugly too.” While I understand that everyone has their own insecurities and struggles, this statement falls short in truly understanding the depth of what it means to be black in a racist society.

When a white woman tells me she “feels ugly too,” she is attempting to equate her experiences of beauty standards with the systemic racism and discrimination that black people face on a daily basis. However, the reality is that her struggles with beauty standards are not the same as the dehumanization and oppression that black people endure.

The truth is, as a black person, I have been told that I am “ugly” simply because of the color of my skin. This message is ingrained in me from a young age, and it is reinforced by the media, beauty standards, and societal norms. The hatred for our skin and its extraordinary nature touches us before we even arrive in the world. This is something that a white woman will never truly understand.

Furthermore, the impact of racism goes beyond beauty standards. It affects every aspect of our lives, from education and employment opportunities to healthcare and criminal justice. It is a constant battle to navigate a world that does not want us to succeed simply because of the color of our skin.

When a white woman tells me she “feels ugly too,” it minimizes the unique and pervasive discrimination that black people face. It fails to acknowledge the privilege that comes with being white in a society that values whiteness above all else.

Instead of trying to draw parallels between beauty standards and racism, I urge white women to listen and learn about the experiences of black people without trying to equate them with their own struggles. It is important to recognize and understand the privilege that comes with being white, and to use that privilege to amplify the voices of black people and work towards dismantling systemic racism.

The statement “I feel ugly too” from a white woman seeking to understand the experiences of black people in a racist society falls short in truly acknowledging the depth of our struggles. It is important to listen, learn, and take action to create a more equitable and just society for all.

Copyright © Beatriz Esmer