I remember all the battles that I have fought and all the scars that show I had lost. And losing wasn’t the problem; it was that I cared too much. I would try to act like I could walk out the door and there would be rainbows and a garden full of butterflies and flowers sitting right in front of me. But it was all just a fantasy. These battles that so many of us face—depression, starvation, self-harm, discrimination, addiction—keep knocking at our doors.

We dread getting up to open the door for them, knowing full well what they’ll do and what they are capable of. But reality has already kicked us in the stomach. These struggles have put a gun to our heads, forcing us to open the door and greet them as if they were old friends. We all try to act like it’s going to be okay, but it’s not. Deep down, we know, no matter how hard we try to stay strong, there’s always a breaking point.

You sit there, staring at nothing, feeling a pain in your heart that becomes all too familiar. When it’s your turn to explain why, words fail. Not because you don’t know what’s happening inside your head, but because of the fear that no one will truly understand. When you say “I’m fine,” to them it just means “I’m fine,” but to you it means “I’m falling apart, so please don’t leave me.”

It’s an ongoing nightmare of sadness and disappointment. When it all becomes too much, you lose your mind, and the person you’ve been trying to hide under a fake smile emerges. Just know, you’re not alone. We all face these battles, and in our shared struggle, there is a glimmer of understanding and solidarity. Together, we can find the strength to continue, to fight another day, and to hold onto the hope that, perhaps, one day, it really will be okay. 🙏🏾❤️

©️ Beatriz Esmer