When I began my degree in February 1986, a lot of things changed rapidly. I was more out of my comfort zone than I’ve ever been. Things improved but I was very afraid that I was spinning wildly into the air and losing my feet. I was holding back because I was afraid I’d get ahead of myself. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be aware if I got on my high horse. I was happy making my dreams a reality, but I was afraid that I’d lose a sense of reality. I’ve learned that it’s ok to be happy. I guess happiness and a sense of accomplishment was such a strange thing to me, so to an extent I felt I wasn’t worthy of it.

I am reminded of Milan Kundera’s writing;
‘Conversely, the absolute absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.” ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’.

I was adjusting to my freedom. Burden and sadness was what I was used to. It weighed me down. So, the uplifting I experienced petrified me. I’m learning to trust myself, to allow myself to be uplifted in all my senses, but grounded in my core. Namaste…